The Candlekeep Annex: RPed Baldur’s Gate No and Low Reload Adventures

[alice_ashpool]

Day 4 – The adventuring life SUCKS BIG TIME Our miserable journey to Beregost

We camped on the road last night, and I took the time to learn a few more spells, one that could be used to scare people (cool, I’ll test it on imoen later) and one to help run away. Which, um, well, maaaaybe that will be useful.

Cut a long story short – we found that ogre the dude in the friendly arm inn mentioned – not exactly sure how since I swear we were trying to stick to the road but It started raining really heavily and Imoen thought she could see somewhere to shelter and well there was an ogre there. I did my usual thing and magically blinded it, but the damn thing just ran around like a headless and also eyeless chicken. Almost impossible to hit and I was worried that it was going to attract other monsters. Which It did, but we killed them too! And it had not one but two MAGIC belts. We hurried on to Beregost because I wanted to know what these things did. (i.e. we did not take them back to the rube who managed to lose them) And also because it was raining and I was soaking wet, AGAIN.

Arwen and Imoen, Ogre Slayers

It took hours to get to Beregost and by the time we got there I had my priorities straight. 1. Get these magic belts identified. 2. Rent the most expensive room in the most expensive inn. 3. Find out who killed Gorion and who put a bounty on my head 4. Get rich.

Beregost

We found the inn first, looked fancy, but this moron, and I mean complete S-tier moron comes up to me as soon as I get in the door and says he doesn’t “like my type” like what? Gnomes? Fucking ass. Though I guess I haven’t seen many other people like me at all since I left Candlekeep. Guess there just aren’t many gnomes around, but that’s no excuse for being rude. So anyways it was like the red mist descended, didn’t he know what I had been through recently?! Didn’t he know how tough my life is right now?! So I told him he was , rude, nasty, a piece of shit and a motherfucker, and that I would smash his brains in if he didn’t say sorry. And well he didn’t say sorry so I smashed his brains in: a girl’s got to have integrity. Imoen stabbed him a few times for good measure. Then we kicked his corpse. I warned him I was gonna do it so it’s not like it’s anyone’s fault but his, plus can you blame me, I’ve been having a super rough week. No one else seemed all that bothered, I guess they didn’t like him either and were just waiting for a strong-willed gnome to put him in his place (the ground).

No one, and I mean no one talks to me like that

Found a smith too who could identify my new belts, one of them was cursed, he said it would turn me into a man (bleugh, what WAS that guy doing with this ogre?!), the other though, damn this shit is fire. I’m not returning this, this one’s a keeper. The other thing we did was stock up on arrows since Imoen only brought like 10 from Candlekeep and she ran out before mentioning it. Sisters.

Fashionable AND powerful

What else, oh yeah, we bumped into pervy old firebeard, from candlekeep. He also did not seem very concerned that gorion was dead, but he did give me a nifty scroll case for me to store things safely away from the rain. Obviously Imoen nicked some stuff while I distracted him, Firebeards always got more gold than sense.

And that was that. I’m tired, time to hit the luxurious hay.

 

[alice_ashpool]

Day 5 - In which Arwen and Imoen properly commence their quest to get rich as shit (and get revenge too)

OMFG some dude in the square was offering FIVE THOUSAND GOLD to kill someone. Who you ask? Who cares more like, its 5,000 gold, I’d kill anyone for that much cash. Well, not Imoen, but pretty much anyone else. You shoulda seen my eyes when he told me how much the bounty was. We. Are. Getting. That. Bounty.

Mo Money Less Problems

But I have a feeling that a bounty that big is going to need some serious firepower so me and Imoen are going to have to work really hard. So that’s why we took another job. Some stupid dwarf wants us to track down some stupid noble’s stupid son. Sign us up and off we go.

Dream duo + third wheel

Didn’t go according to plan obviously, the son was dead, and even worse, the caravan had already been looted. What a waste of time. Told the dwarf to beat it, don’t need another berk with a bounty on their head slowing us down. At least he paid us for the work, but it was back to Berghost to look for some decent paying work, or hopefully a few marks who want of to “retrieve” things they have lost. Heh, still loving this magic belt.

...

What had to be the worst part of the day was when we got back to beregost and some crazy woman waylayed us, wanting help against a killteam of red wizards like noooo thankyou I do not want to get involved which was all well and good in theory but what actually happened is she like manipulated them into thinking we were with her. B*tch! Fortunately, or unfortunately her magic backfired and the red wizard was teleported who knows where leaving us to deal with his apprentice. You guessed it, another blind (apprentice) wizard coming up. I was actually quite excited to see if this budget thayvian had some scrolls or cool magic items but guess what HE HAD NOTHING ON HIM. I was so angry that I told the crazy wildmage to piss off before I smashed her bonce in for what she’d manipulated us into doing – killing a red wizard, like even an apprentice, hoooly shit. Me and Imoen scarpered asap after that, thought we better lay low ‘til this blows over.

Today is officially ruined! Courtesy of some wildmage jerk.

We left Beregost to the south. I didn’t know what else to do, I didn’t want to get lost in the wilderness, or go back to the Friendly Arm Inn, so south seemed to be the only option. Wow I hate that wild mage that got us into this, did I mention that?!

We just walked south, and just our luck we run into some wierdass creatures who attacked us (Imoen said they’re called Ogrillons, gross). You can guess what we did (kill them). One of them had a letter addressed to someone in Beregost on them and I figured there might be payment for delivering it but I didn’t want to go back yet, until we were sure the red wizards weren’t going to come looking for us. We found the remains of the messenger shortly after, seems we had interrupted lunch.

The other thing that happened was some feds harassed us claiming we were bandits. I mean come ON there were two monsters literally EATING a messenger in the MIDDLE OF THE ROAD not 100m further north, these assholes should do their job and stop harassing us. That is NOT what I said, instead I put on my best gnomish charm and they naffed off to eat some doughnuts or something. Good riddance. Me and imoen had a bit of a laugh doing flaming fist impressions after then had gone.

It was getting late and the two of us decided to hang out in the wilderness overnight (ugh) and decide what to do in the morning.

 

[Serg_BlackStrider]

@Alesia_BH : If you say that you are a so-so writer then I'm just an illiterate dude in comparison... I awe of people who can write interesting stories but myself... I'm well aware of my quite poor storytelling skills. I have a distinct technical mindset and it’s much easier for me to express my thoughts in a concise way, so writing school essays was the most horrible torture I’ve ever had...

But anyway, I do love to read and more so an interesting and exciting stories so I'm looking forward to see this thread thrive!

 

[alice_ashpool]

Day 6 – Ring the changes part 2

I had another strange dream. This time she told me that the red wizards were looking north, towards the Friendly Arm Inn and that they had left Beregost. I woke up feeling relieved, but after a night out in the wilderness I was looking forward to a good bed tonight. Me and Imoen now had enough gold to rent the best room in Beregost for months – but tbh I’m starting to wonder if this won’t draw some attention to us. I’m trying to avoid being assassinated so me and imoen decides we would change inns, lay low.

Picked up a few things from the smithy today: some studded leather armor for Imoen, she was pretty hyped, and a better sling for me since It seems like I’m going to be doing a lot of slinging.

Next we delivered that letter from the half-eaten messenger and holy shit the woman was so pleased she gave us a magic ring of protection in payment. Being the magnanimous person that I am we agreed that Imoen should wear it. Obviously this was from the kindness and generosity of my heart and not because pragmatically as a gnome I’m already good at resisting magic and that sort of stuff. I don’t want my little sister dying on me after all. Only problem was, neither me nor Imoen actually knew what it did. We tried asking around but couldn’t find anyone in Beregost who could help us. Someone said we should visit the wizard in his tower west of the town.

We found the wizard tower no problem (its huge! I was filled with wizard tower envy) But we also found a load of dog things, gnolls hanging around outside the walls. They all had these enormous halberds which they were swinging around, and they barked at us, literally barked, like actual dogs. I could tell they wanted to eat us baaaadly. I used up every one of my spells while Imoen tried to hit them with arrows. I’ll tell you this, fighting three rabid dog-men at the Same time is no easy thing. And one of them was super strong, it had all scars round its muzzle and was bigger than the others. Good job I’m the best, and also that Imoen had stolen a magic wand from candlekeep before she left. To the victor the spoils as they say, and the big tough one ha a short sword which had “Perdue” engraved on it. It didn’t look magical at all so I figured we could try and find its owner for a reward rather than just flogging it with the other junk. Sometimes sentimentality makes people act all funny (and generous).

Battle beneath the walls

trophy pic!

The guy in town was right and the wizard in the tower could identify the ring. Nice. Plus this guy was absolutely loaded, magical stuff EVERYWHERE. I tried to contain my uncontainable greed and envy. He had spell scrolls for sale for spells I’d never even heard of, never dreamed of being possible. It was all super expensive so I just bought one that said it would allow me identify things. I was getting pretty fed up with paying huge amounts of gold to get people to tell me what things did. We also had a joke about him calling the ring “the ring of princes”, more like the ring of princesses imoen said as she put it on – the wizard didn’t find that very funny so we scarpered pronto ‘cos there was more money to be made.

dank wizard tower

dank ring

It was getting late by the time we got back to berghost so I figured we could track down this “perdue” if he was around then find a new inn. We asked around for ages until we ended up in a nasty place called the “Burning Wizard” – barkeep said that perdue often drinks next door at the red sheaf but since it was so late by this point me and Imoen decided to get a room here.

 

[alice_ashpool]

Day 7 – Inn Hopping

Terrible nights sleep – regretting 100% our choice to downgrade our lodgings. This place s u c k s and I am never coming back. Woke up early just to get out – think I might have fleas, my ankles are super itchy. But on the flipside no red wizards trying to track us down. Guess my strange and also powerful dream visitor is on the money. We left to go find Perdue and cash in his sword for big money.

worst. inn. ever.

So the Red Sheaf was a shitshow – there was another assassin waiting for us in there! Some dwarf with a massive axe. I tried to bribe him but he was too stupid to know a good deal. I hit him with my blindness spell and me and imoen tried to take him down, but we were making a terrible mess of the red sheaf, like absolute chaos – this guy would NOT go down, he seemed to have a pocket full of healing potions and was armoured like a tank, even blind. But kill him we did (obviously or I would not be writing this duh), and after apologising A LOT for the mess we checked the body to find that he had a bounty notice on him for me, but this time it was 350 gold – someone really wants me dead.

smashing up the red sheaf. 100% not our fault!

one bounty I am NOT interested in collecting.

The only good side was that perdue was in the inn (hehe) and he gave us a fat sack of gold for returning his absolutely non-magical short sword – what a rube. Anyway, me and imoen are not welcome in the Red Sheaf ever again apparently so we’ll have to find yet another place to sleep. So much for laying low.

There was still time in the day though, and I remembered a little asshole who only this morning I realised had stolen some gold from me at the burning wizard. He told us this sob story about how his magic boots had been stolen by hobgolbins. And well, magic boots are just too good to resist so me and Imoen headed into the wilderness just south of the town and sure enough a group of (now dead) hobgoblins and a pair of magic boots. Lifes good – think I’ll keep these for Imoen and maybe we go kill the thief later? not sure. I’m getting pretty good at killing things, its almost like me and Imoen have a talent for it or something – weird.

It was dark by the time we got back to beragost and, lacking anything better to do we decided to try inn number four – the jovial juggler. We were immediately accosted by some do gooder tryin to get us to kill some half-ogres. Like holy hells how many times do I have to say “ill think about it” before someone gets the message? And then another who had lost his cloak. Now a magic cloak, that sounds like it’s worth our while, but talosi, and cloakwood, that’s miles away. Something for later maybe. Time to sleep.

Inn numero 4

 

[alice_ashpool]

Day 8 – “We need to be doing something!” - imoen

Ok, me an Imoen had a chat this morning as we had breakfast in the Jovial Juggler. It’s a week later and we are still no closer to working out why Gorion was killed, or why there are assassins after me, but I’m not stupid: I am the adopted gnome daughter of one of the most respected scholars on the sword coast, he never did tell me who my parents were. I think that must have something to do with it. Maybe I’m like gnome royalty or something?! The only positive in my life right now is that I am considerably richer than I have ever been and that Imoen is here with me.

We’ve been to every inn and drinking hole in this place and no one knows anything, all they ever do is talk about the “Iron Crisis.” So, we decided that there is nothing else to learn in Beregost and we should move on to the next place, try and see if we can dig up some more info. That would be Nashkel (ugh) where this iron crisis everyone is so worked up about is supposedly stemming from. I didn’t want to go but imoen convinced me that someone or other might be VERY happy if we could help out, and heroes tend to get, like, rewards, castles, that sort of thing. So after she made “that” face, which she always does when she wants something I relented, looked like we were going to Nashkel.

the long, boring, uncomfortable, tiring, dull, and also boring road south

We were attacked in the mountain pass between Beregost and Nashkel: hobgoblins again, the had set up an actual PEREMENANT camp in the pass and were ambushing anyone who went through – this place is going to the dogs (literally in the case of gnolls). It needs someone to sort it out for a hefty and considerable fee and/or monetary show of gratitude, ‘cos how am I going to get a castle with a wizard tower in it if I do everything for free? Those flaming fists we met earlier are proving themselves to be utterly wank at doing anything around here. Fortunately, my host of protective spells and the magic belt mean that arrows practically evaporate before they hit me – amazing really. Six dead hobgoblins, and not a wound on me. Is that normal?

Arwen, defier of arrows

We found a dead family, boo hoo I guess, but one of them had a cute engraved necklace which I thought really went with my eyes. Nothing magical, it just looks good (priorities right? I’m not cruel, its just like, they were already dead, what do you want me to do, burst into tears? I didn’t even know them...).

Anyway, we got a bit lost on the way south and ended up in the carnival on the outskirts of Nashkel, rather than the town itself. We decided that it was so dark that we should camp (I bought a tent before we left beregost so no more hiding under trees, yay) and wait for dawn to explore.

 

[Alesia_BH]

If you say that you are a so-so writer then I'm just an illiterate dude in comparison..

Lol. The problem isn't really my writing skills. It's my play/post flow. From my NR challenge days I'm used to playing for hours and then churning out posts in minutes. If I want to narrativize with a touch of literary merit I'll need to change that. More thinking and writing, less gameplay.

And for the record, Serg, your runs are entirely welcome in this thread. You've always respected the game world, and you make decisions based on RP considerations. That qualifies, 100%!

 

[Alesia_BH]

Thanks for sharing, @alice_ashpool !

A duo with Imoen is a great setup for a narrativized run. I look forward to reading it!

Cheers,

A.

 

[alice_ashpool]

Day 9 – None of the fun of the fair

So this is what a carnival looks like. Not gonna lie it was pretty exciting, so much to see.. Imoen was pretty stoked too. I managed to reign in my slack-jawed look enough to do some buying and selling, I’d picked up a couple of spell scrolls which made me pretty sick to look at and I couldn’t wait to offload them. Necromancy I think, that is NOT my deal, oh no no. I do not like the idea one bit, who goes about playing with the dead? I kinda prefer making the corpses tbh, though now I have written that down it seems pretty odd. Anyway, no arcane necromancy for me, gnomes must be allergic or something.

Kinda how I expected it

There weren’t as many people at the carnival as I had thought there would be but people said that the mines had been “claiming lives” (euphemism). Must be a lot of dead if this is all that’s left. Things are more messed up here than I would have thought.

One weird thing that happened is we met some sort of carnival-mage who insisted on summoning an “exploding ogre” – unsurprisingly the ogre was pretty pissed off and attacked the mage, and us. Seemed like a rough way to go but I wasn’t about to get clobbered by some stupid ogre. We mest around the carnival for a couple of hours, it was nice to relax a bit.

I was pretty bored with the carnival by this point (there is only so much coconut throwing a girl can do) so the two of us walked the short way to Nashkel proper.

So we get towards Nashkel from the fair and I am FREAKING OUT. There’s this freaking red wizard just chilling on a bridge south of the village, looking all around like he’s looking for someone. I pulled Imoen backwards and we hid behind a shed or farm building thingy and he didn’t spot us. But this looked bee aye dee bad.

ffs

As we were walking very quickly away we bumped straight into some sort of village idiot talking to a mouse or something. The man seemed to have an intellect lower than a moron and when I told him I wasn’t going to go off on some “quest” to save some “witch” without payment he flipped out and attacked me with no warning! Is everyone outside of candlekeep a grade-A dunce and a psychopath?! Seriously, the guy only had 2 gold pieces on him as well. I told imoen that coming here was a shitty idea and guess who got proved right. And, that’s only the second time (the first was the red wizard looking for us). Because, well, I’ll get to it. I was just so pissed off about this cretin trying to attack me with his laughably oversized sword. MF-er didn’t even have a bounty notice, he was just a moron, wtf.

Leave. Us. Alone!

So I’m thinking that we will finally get to whatever sorry excuse for an inn this shitstain town has and some fat dude runs up to me calling me greywolf. I don’t know you, fuck off! Is what I actually said (whoops, cringe). Imoen has to literally restrain me. Damn I was pretty angry after the village idiot incident (I mean who kills a village idiot? I feel personally humiliated). Not my finest moment. But he did fuck off.

It was just endless, because then someone comes up asking me If will clear out the Nashkel mines. Like m8, a teenage girl and her younger sister and you think we look like we can clear out a freaking mine are you kidding me. Obviously we could, if we wanted to but we 100% do not look like a band of six manly mercenary types of whatever this myopic idiot mistook us for. I said “we’ll think about it” and pushed past him – I could see the tavern sign just ahead. Finally I was thinking.

So we go in a guess what, another damn assassin, this time some priestess. Me and Imoen noped out of there asap back into the village with her running after us waving a damn hammer around. We did the whole “save us” thing and some prat ran up and started trying to punch her, like with his HANDS, where the hell are the big men with swords when you need them?! I’d used up all my blindness spells (thanks earlier moron, geez) so Imoen burned through the whole of her magic missile wand putting this asshole in the ground. The punching kicking dude didn’t land a single hit. Pathetic (I told him this afterwards, he seemed pretty miffed).

bootleg Jackie chan moment

Anyway, I was more concerned with the bounty: she was trying to collect 680 gold pieces, wowzers. Someone is really really wanting me dead even more than before. Could my life get and worse??

yikeseroos

At least there was a bed waiting now. I need to calm down, this anger Is making me think funny. I prayed for respite, for clarity, for anything really.

 

[alice_ashpool]

Day 10 – and they call it a mine.

I dreamed of her again. It comforted me. She told me that I would be stronger, that she could grant me more power. When I woke up it was true, I could channel slightly more divine energy, not much but enough to be able to cast some sort of holy (or unholy?) curse. I can’t wait to try this out.

The cleric we killed the other day had a dopey looking helmet, it was kinda magical but it looked so uncool we sold it for a fat roll of coins, and that’s not all, Imoen had found this badass suit of armour earlier, before I got up. She didn’t tell me exactly where she had found it but I figured she’d “found it.” Enough said – neither of us could use it so we sold it for and even fatter stack than the helmet. We are so freaking rich, I was almost tempted to make the journey all the way back to High Hedge so we can splash out on spellscrolls – that’s how rich we are. I’m itching to try out some new magic.

So at this point I think we had seen all Nashkel had to offer so really the choices were to laze around in various inns using our new mountain of gold coins until we got old, assassinated or robbed, or to try and work out what happened to Gorion and get these assassins off my back. The first step, as Imoen rightly said (and I will admit I was pretty hasty i saying no way), is that we need an “in” with the people who know things and do things, powerful people basically, and that “in” is going to be this damn mine which every person and their fricking dog is yapping about. Fix the mine, become “heroes,” leverage that into power, prestige, even more wealth, and information. Damn I’m smart.

As we were heading south towards the mine we passed a Temple of Helm in Nashkel, huge thing, it made me feel uncomfortable to see it. I realised I was walking on the other side of the road to be as far away as possible, it didn’t affect Imoen in the same way.

Nothing is ever easy though. On the way to the mines, we were travelling through this canyon and yep, you guessed it: ambushed. A whole host of bandits and the like. Me and Imoen were about to runkill them when this half-orc showed up and started hacking apart the bandits. Seemed he held a grudge or something.

dont let us stop you

He wasn’t actually that good at fighting but he served as meat shield while me and Imoen did all the heavy lifting. Well, until he was stabbed through the gut by one of the bandits. Me and Imoen were the last ones standing. To the victor the spoils as they say, we looted the corpses like the pair of scavengersbasasses we are. Not one but two magic swords, a magic shield which I could use – this thing is the shit, and some expensive looking potions. Whatever grudge was going on here, me and Imoen have lucked out, not so lucky for the eight corpses though.

welp, eveyone dead

The mine looked just as shitty as I expected, peasants breaking rocks and humping dirt around. No thank you. But we were here do a job, and the mine overseer (asshole) told us we could have a one day to investigate – fine, I didn’t even want to spend a whole day here anyway.

gross mine with miners

The miners were all panicking about “little demons” great, that would be just what I needed. I was thinking that they were probably scared of bats of some crap. But enough I am not going to describe in long and tedious detail the long and tedious schlumping me and Im did through layer after layer of tunnels. I’m getting a headache just remembering it, so I’ll skip to the end: It became preeeeetty obvious the mine was filled with kobolds, like do these people not read a fricking book every once in a while? How did they not realise this, I mean the upper levels were filled with soldiers from Amn supposedly “protecting the mine.” I’m sensing a theme – first the Flaming Fists, then these soldiers from Amn – professionals? Professional losers more like.

We’re pretty good at killing kobolds it seems.

The mines connected to a series of deep caves, with even more kobolds, but after you’ve killed you 30th or indeed 300th kobold it all kinda blends into one. Finally, when I thought we could kill no more, We found an area where we could rest, catch our breath recover some spells. I was exhausted, and so was Imoen, these caves go on for ever.

 

[alice_ashpool]

Day 11 – Deep in the bowels of the earth

Woke up still in this forsaken mine, but we knew we must be near the lowest level 'cos there were literal lava rivers and shit, wtf.

Me and Im knew that this was it, we knew whatever was causing the iron crisis was here- i don't normally get like, sentimental, but we both kinda new this was a now or never moment - our whole plan hinged on this. And yeah, there was this room, with this priest of Cyric, and all these skeletons, and kobolds with flaming arrows, in this tight claustrophobic space, hardly any room to move. It was a miracle me and Imoen survived. We had a little bit of help from this elven “mage” called Xan, though he couldn’t actually cast any spells – not actually sure how he survived the battle. He was a prisoner of the cleric or something, some failed adventurer, just talking to him drained, like, the will to live.

Part 1 of the battle

The fight was dummy hard, I think me an Imoen drank all our healing potions, and this potion of speed which was a lifesaver – Imoen she moved so quick, we gots to get more of these. Absolutely savage – she hacked the priest up with her shortword.

aftermath, with picture of sad sack elf

Turns out that yep, just as expected, the cleric was poisoning the iron (duh), but what was more exciting, he had a whole chest full of spell scrolls and magic items: magic boots, magic rings, magic everything. And did I mention the spell scrolls?

He also had two letters detailing what was going on with the iron (I read them but they were pretty boring), and with him dead that should be enough to make us heroes or whatever. We left Xan in the mine, I didn’t want a spare wheel on the journey – this is me and Imoen all the way through to the end. He was literally so miserable, who has time for babysitting a depressed elf?

Lead 1: a contact in beregost called Tranzig

Lead 2: A plot involving some mercenary companies to disrupt other sources of iron into the region.

So we walked all the way out of the mine, up through the levels like a pair of chumps - magical teleportation when? There were an awful lot of kobold bodies to step over. i mean a lot. I remember thinking, did me and Imoen really kill all these? It seems perverse almost. Such slaughter. How are we so good at killing things?

Yah, so we reported our success, flashed the letters around Nashkel and the mayor was ecstatic. Like so pleased. These people really do love iron ore (sad really). He paid us 900 gold pieces for all our VERY HARD work, which objectively is a lot, but considering the epic amount of walking down mine shafts, not to mention the gratuitous amount of killing involved seemed pretty cheap. I felt genuinely angry. It’s hard to control sometimes, ever since I left candlekeep I’ve been struggling with it. But hey ho, I’m fucking rich now which makes anything good and everything better xd.

We retired to the inn to spend some of our new cash, and also to get clean, eww, I realised I absolutely stink, and so does imoen, too long in the grotty mine, not to mention all the dried blood in my clothes. Everyone in the tavern was really pleased to see us and imoen drank too much in the common room before we crashed out. Thank fuck for soft beds and clean sheets.

 

[alice_ashpool]

Day 12 – Plans

Heya, its me, Arwen

Time to sell sell sell, this stuff is like worth a mint – the sword from that half-ork is worth a whopping 450Gs, and, I literally just realised he was the same asshole who told me to bring him a drink in the friendly arm inn. haha jokes on you buddy ‘cos you’re dead and im selling your shit. Arwen 1, half-ork 0.

Total haul so far is over 8,000 Golds, so I guess I will have to open an account at the local bank or something, best not to think about the weight issue tbh.

Me and Imoen decided to have a day off today and work some stuff out, see where we are. Assess the situation using our combined big brains. Here’s what we know:

1. Some asshole murdered Gorion, they also wanted to kill me.
2. Some asshole has been putting increasingly large bounties on my head and the sword coast is filled with bounty hunters looking for me.
3. A man named Tazok, has been running a scheme to cripple iron ore trade across the sword coast. He is in cloakwood somewhere but a contact of his is in Beregost.
4. My dreams are filled with an unknown goddess who has granted me a modicum of divine favor. I have my suspicions about who she is (im not an idiot, in fact im actually a genius)
5. I have found myself very good at killing things, people, anything really. I often quite like it. Imoen is the same, but she tries to hide it from me.
6. I am now very rich and getting richer.
7. Some people think I am a hero, must be my cute smile.

The two of us decided to lay low for a while down south, Nashkel isn’t that interesting but like, this iron crisis scheme sounds pretty big and I quite like my head to remain on my shoulders: the mine was hard af to clear out ngl and I can’t imagine that whoever was running this scheme will be very happy that we pulled the plug. They are probably sending a whole host of highly trained and deadly assassin-mages after us right now as I write this.

We spent some time messing around in the town, everyone here likes us now, people keep trying to buy us drinks and asking if imoen will marry them or their “handsome son”, that sort of thing, I can see it makes her kinda awkward but she is getting used to it. On the other hand NO ONE is asking if I will marry them, not that I would or anything, I am now richer than like this whole town, but it would be nice if someone offered so I could turn them down. Anti-gnome prejudice is a big thing apparently.

The only other thing of note was there are some outstanding bounties with the locals. Ngl the thought of more killing was actually making me… well, it was exciting. Idk why, it just is. Anyway, I had a think about my to do list, gorion was always making lists so he didn’t forget to do things and I think he had the right idea.

♥Arwen’s To Do List♥

• Find out who killed gorion
• Kill them
• Get rich
• Get even richer
• Own a huge castle
• Become the most powerful wizard in the world
• Look after Imoen

Oh, and I learned some new spells, nasty ones: ones to make people fall asleep and do anything I tell them to. I like these spells A LOT. Anyway, time to sleep now, This has been a nice day off.

 

[alice_ashpool]

Day 13 – Gnoll the Bounty HunterHunting Bounties.

Haha, how the tables turn, theres a bounty on me and im hunting bounties on other people. The irony is pretty… ironic. So we had heard that this artist with a bounty might be somewhere around the Nashkel mines. On the one hand, back to the mines, eww, but on the other hand that was only a four hour walk from Nashkel (I CANNOT believe I just said only a four hour walk, I HATE walking.)
Anyway, we found the artist, he was completely batty, carving some crap into a rock, but, and here’s the big but, he was using the two massive, huge, enormous, sparkly emeralds for the statues eyes. Hooooly shit.

my eyes were as green as well, emeralds

Imoen almost tripped over herself trying to get them before some other asshole showed up saying HE was here to claim the bounty – now back off butthead I said and well that didn’t go down well so we had to fight this dude with two swords. But guess what – I am now a baddass bitch and there was nothing this baby bountyhunter could do while blind. And just for good measure I followed up with one of my new divine gifts – a spell that could hold my enemies in place. This shit is hella OP, thanks mystery patron goddess, I owe ya. Look who’s the top bounty hunter on the sword coast now! Hells, at this point they should be hiring me to kill myself heh. As a bonus he had this super nice magic sword. Too big for imoen but it sure looked valuable.

Starter

Main

Desert

We were about to gut the sculptor too when he just upped and keeled over dead. I seriously cannot understand what the hell is going on with people, its like I’m surrounded by utter morons. At least I have two fatass emeralds in my pocket to make me feel better. I don’t think we will be returning these any time soon.

What else today, oh, nothing much, almost overwhelmed by gibberings at one point, traipsed around looking for this second bounty, no luck though. Oh yeah, the gnome. That was super weird. So we were up in the high mountains east of the mine, and we run into this gnome, now anyone up here is probably up to no good, but he talked about his dreams. He’d had dreams about me – dreams of blood and death, dreams in which either he died or I did. Obviously that spooked me a bit, but it was clear that he believe this 100% since when I said “like, maybe we shouldn’t be like hanging out together gnome-dude” he kinda flipped and tried to kill me. Nothing new there, but I felt kinda bad killing the only other gnome I’ve seen since leaving Candlekeep.

Don’t really know what to make of this encounter tbh,unsettling

Oh well, he had some cool gear – including this one scroll which claimed it would protect me from any, literally any magic. Fucked up if true, this one’s a keeper. But I can’t get how sincerely he described his dream, how clearly he believed that the future held nothing but blood.

 

[alice_ashpool]

Day 14 – R&R (&K for killing)

I’d had enough of these stupid mountains, nothing to see up here, nothing to do, never did find that bounty, so we decided to call it quits and head back to Nashkel – thought we would check out the circus again since technically we’re both having some time off. More fool us.

Wandering into a tent that clearly said merchant and what happens, some idiot saying he’s going to kill some witch or whatever if I don’t do what he says. I told him he no one talks to me like that (I mean did me and Im not just singlehandedly solve the whole fricking iron crisis?! – bad bitch Arwen is here2stay), he kinda flipped out, people here are so mardy, he killed the witch and then we killed him. Another blind wizard hehe. They should call me Arwen the magehunter because im the best there is. With both of them dead we did the only sensible thing: filled our bags with their shit.

seriously?!

But now it was finally put some of our gold to good use. I bought a shield-amulet for Imoen. She’s been hella jelly when she sees me cast my shield spell so when I saw there was like an amulet that would let a noob (sorry Im) cast the spell I bought it then and there. The other one was super expensive but it would, no joke, allow me to cast this fuckoff massive mega-fireball. It has “shit-wrecker” written all over it. I’ll save it for the important fights but still, it is FUCKING AMAZING.

After an afternoon spent relaxing at the fair we made our way back into Nashkel proper for a good night sleep. I’ll admit I had got a bit lax and so I totally wasn’t expecting a damn assassin to be waiting outside the inn. Musta heard about the mine. Utter shitheel. We had to waste him (obviously) but he was better than all the others so far, like, super dangerous. I was worried about Imoen but she’s really managed to improve with that bow of hers. I got’s to get her a better one.

Ok ok, you’re wondering how I actually killed this assassin. He had all these spells I’d never seen before – one that deflected spells, one that turned his skin as tough as stone. Well. As soon as we saw that he could deflect spells me and Imoen just upped and ran, like cowards, that is until we were out of the town then I used my newly purchased amulet of mega-fireball-death to just blow this dude up. One hit kill. It was everything I hoped it would be and more – absolutely savage.

S A V A G E

He had a letter on him (fortunately not burned by the fireball), and, ok, so here we have it, it’s the same Tazok who was writing to the priest in the Nashkel mines. I’m starting to think that the mine sabotage, Gorion’s death and the bounty on my head are all connected. But get this, they describe me and Imoen as a “group of mercenaries” haha there’s only 2 of us with an average age of like eighteen, and I like this bit “very dangerous” haha, it makes me sound like a badass (imoen too, no shade).

the thot plickens

He was obviously a good assassin because he had these absolutely savage magic boots which should allow the wearer to dodge arrows super well – I gave them to Imoen since I’m worried that she will get hurt, plus I already have this great belt that kind of does the same. He also had a magic short sword which I gave to Imoen too.

I’ve saved the best ‘til last though since he had this scroll, which if I’m reading it right will allow me to summon a familiar, a dust mephit to be precise. Every wizard, and I mean EVERY wizard needs a familiar.

now at last I will be a REAL wizard

I can’t wait to try it out in the morning.

 

[alice_ashpool]

Day 15 – This feels… familiar

Yay, the familiar is everything I ever wanted and more, its this little mephit that flaps around and does what I tell it to – its super cute. I’ve decided to call it Dante. Imoen thinks its ugly and creepy but what does she know. And it can cast some magic too, mephit magic, and its claws are actually quite sharp (Imoen was NOT happy, she hit Dante back and I had to stop an actual fight. Fortunately, Dante’s wounds closed super quick: he can regenerate)

familiar spirits

There wasn’t much else to do today – we messed around with Dante, testing him to see how strong he was, all sorts of wizard things. He has actually made me feel more healthy, like I can weather more injuries – that’s that magic of a mage-familiar bond.

We heard rumours of a Xvart village to the west that was giving Nashkel some trouble, as well as a fortress that was occupied by Gnolls, and needing something to do while we hid out from the assassins, me, Imoen and Dante are heading out west in search of even more magical items and gold.

 

[alice_ashpool]

Day ??? – The Temptation in the wilderness.

The past few days went in quite a blur, me and Im have been out in the wilderness, I didn’t really feel like updating my diary constantly 'cos like no table or desk right so I’m sat back in the jovial juggler in Beregost summing up the past two weeks-ish. Forgive me if my memory is not as good a it should be.

We went due west of Nashkel. First we hit up the Xvart village, I wasn’t actually looking for a fight, but they were, so we ended up fighting after all, including their pet bear. Everyone out here in the wilderness just wants to fight, or take you for a fool. There is hardly a friendly person between here and Beregost. We filled our packs with gear.

[size:8pt]note: add bear pun later[/size]

Dante is proving to be very useful in running interference, hopping around, getting things to chase him so Imoen can get to work with her bow and I can let off some spells. He’s fragile but I can cast aid on him to increase his resilience and another divine piece of awesomeness which turns his skin as tough as bark - plus he regenerates so theres no need to babysit him. Hopefully I’ll be able to learn a spell to turn him invisible too – I like having my own little minion to order around: he does the scouting while me and imoen kick back and do some sunbathing (lie: it rains constantly, more likely we are just lazy and hiding under a tree while Dante gets wet)

a rare moment of sun

Bounty Hunter Redux

We finally found Oublek’s other bounty, the Nashkel captain who had gone berserk. He was asking us to lead him back to Nashkel so he could get some help or something. I was about ready to hit him with a divine hold spell but then I thought, holy crap Arwen we are literally miles and mile and MILES away from Nashkel, this dude looks like he weighs a mega-ton and we’d need the body to claim the bounty. Lets just walk back with him, then if it doesn’t work we can just kill him but this time right near Nashkel. Arwen you are a big brain genius.

So that is exactly what we did, and for practically nothing the dude in the temple paid us one THOUSAND gold pieces. Hoooooly crap my prayers are answered. Sometimes the big brain plays work out for the best. The only issue was that I felt physically sick trying to set foot in the temple of Helm, but I sent Imoen to do what I could not. No problemo.

Turns out the issue was that the captain had picked up a cursed sword which drives anyone who uses it into an insane killing rage. Now, I did tell that to the merchant in the shop so I don’t think I can be held responsible for whatever happens next.

Afterwards we headed back out west, there were still things to see, and we’d heard more rumours about that Gnoll fortress or stronghold on the coast. I was feeling the need to test my new power. It practically begged for an outlet.

butchery of gnolls

We killed gnolls, we killed flinds, we killed talosi, we killed ogres, we killed hobgoblins, we killed kobolds, we killed wolves and bears and dogs, we kill humans, we killed and killed and killed, painting the sword coast red with blood. Death walked in our shadow. We killed until I thought we could kill nothing more, and then we carried on killing. And truth be told I enjoyed it. It scares me, but I enjoy it.

The grave-robbers“Archaeological Dig”

It was late on I think the 18th day since Gorion was killed when we stumbled into an excavation out in the middle of nowhere. They looked at us suspiciously, two young women armed to the teeth, one with a mephit fluttering around her. But Imoen’s easy charm got someone who I will refer to as idiot #1 to hire us to protect them. Haha. It was obvious that they were grave-robbers, but that didn’t bother us one bit. The thought of treasure though, that had my eyes lit up. Obviously we don’t work for free on principle so Imoen wheedled 100Gs out of them before we even started – people are so gullible when you know how.

idiot #1

And that was before someone else (who I will now call idiot #2) approached us with the offer to take over this little excavation so that he could keep the treasure himself, he offered a hefty 900Gs. Of course that’s what we were already going to do, but I didn’t tell idiot numero 2 that. Too smart by half. Of course, we said yes. But what really got me was just how damn rude idiot #2 was. There is a serious lack of manners around here. I managed to contain the red mist for long enough to follow idiot #1 into the tomb.

Obviously, like it always happens in the books: breach an ancient tomb and the curse’ll getcha. All the diggers went stark mad when they opened the last seal, tried to wack me and Im with their shovels, obvs we wacked ‘em back. You ever seen a fireball go off in an enclosed space? Well, I hadn’t either – wow. Absolute disgusting mess of bbq’d diggers.

indoor fireball, yikes

We told idiot #1 that idiot #2 had tried to hire us to kill him. He was pretty thankful for the warning and ran away asap but I didn’t care since I was at that point hefting this clearly cursed and even more clearly valuable idol and waving it at Imoen who gave me a thumbs up.

Fucking nightmare does not even begin to cover the next part – some revenant shows up wanting the idol – I tell it to beat it, idiot #2 gets cursed same as the diggers and attacks, a host of talosi run up, the full worlds. Holy SHIT this revenant guy was tough. It was time to break out the nuclear option, I had this wand see, I’d been keeping it secret hence why I didn’t write it down in my diary obviously! Its this wand of frost, fires a beam of ice at anything, uber powerful – it still took NINE blasts with it, plus a fireball for good measure to kill this thing. Poor wand only has one charge left but at least me, Im and dante are still alive. Idiot #2 didn’t even have the 900Gs he promised us on him. Imoen got really mad about that, super pissy.

I HATE undead things. DISGUSTING.

That fight really took it out of us, so we camped for the night then continued west, looking for this stupid gnoll fortress – I was seriously wanting to turn round but we had actually reached the coast so it was just a matter of turning south, I reasoned. I’m going to take a break from writing to join Imoen in the common room now.

 

[alice_ashpool]

Fortune Teller, Lighthouse and Pirate Cave

mood

Right, I’ve left Imoen in the common room, everyone loves us here now (more on that later) and so they’re all buying her drinks but I needed some time out, clear my head. It has become increasingly obvious that there is something very wrong with me. As we traveled south along the coast we met a fortune teller near a lighthouse who offered to read my palm. What she saw was enough to make her attack us. I’m preeeeety sure fortune tellers are not in the business of attacking their clients. She was terrified. What the hell is going on. I hope that pursuing the source of the iron crisis might actually like, shed some light on all this. Starting to get really stressed out by the whole thing.

I don’t know what to make of this. It’s just like the Gnome before.

And just like with the gnome it ended in death.

Now, back when we were in Nashkel, we’d heard rumors of an ancient pirate cave where supposedly a whole lot of treasure was buried. While we were up on the cliffs we could see this cave which looked pretty promising, only problem was there were all these sirenes hanging around the beach, I remembered them from some of the books in candlekeep about monsters and the like and these ladies were not for messing with, no way, powerful enchantment magics, enrapture you just by thinking about it. So I was about to give up on the cave when Imoen suggested that she sneak in. We had some potions of invisibility from various places and what do you know, Imoen drank one and poof! As invisible as air. She snuck into the cave, which was filled with traps and guardians and looted the pirates treasure!!!

“why fight when you can steal?” - Imoen

Yeah that’s right it was the right place. She even grabbed this absolutely massive MASSIVE book, the thing ways almost as much as I do. Its so heavy she had to leave her armour behind in the cave! Plus a load of other things which I need to spend some time identifying but theres a lot of magical gear here, plus potions the whole lot. We’re even more richer! Fuck yeah. We ran right quick because the sirenes seemed to twig that there was someone slinking around.

So we went south even more, looking for the Gnoll stronghold and stopped to camp besides a river. I spent time identifying our loot: A wand that can paralyse, some absolutely deadly looking poisoning darts, a cloak that can turn you into a wolf and the book was a magical tome that could increase my constitution PERMANENTLY.

The sword coast is no joke, time to toughen up.

Yeah, that’s right. I’m as tough as bricks while still remaining sweet as sin. The only problem now is Imoen has no armor at all – lucky I’ve got that barkskin spell for if things go really wrong.

 

[alice_ashpool]

The Gibberling Hordes

But by far the strangest encounter out in the wilderness was a lone “adventurer,” of some sort. She told us she was out here hunting gibberlings and while she was "quite capable of dealing with them herself" I would be "better with more blades." I immediately sussed that something was up since a few moments after she said that a macro-horde of gibberlings crests the ridge. This was not casual gibberling hunting this was knee deep in gibberlings, perhaps even drowning in gibberlings.

the swarm approaches

forced to let off a fireball from my super-dooper amulet

hundreds of gibberlings caught in an ickly sticky web

final victory

Um, so, whoops but the “adventurer” was completely overwhelmed by the horde, they swarmed over her and tore her apart. Yeah, big whoops. We looked across the killing field and the piles of dead bodies, but neither me nor Im really had anything to say to each other, her eyes were practically glowing with enjoyment.
[/quote]

 

[alice_ashpool]

Gnoll Stronghold

By this point we’d been out for days – but at last we FINALLY found the Gnoll stronghold. By this point we’d done so much killing that Imoen had almost run out of arrows – we'd brought enough to kill an army, and that’s what we have done. Wow. And thats without forgetting that she had left he armor in the pirates cave. Kinda messed up and also sweet that she would risk injury just to bring back a 25lb book for me to read.

Obviously, because we are now basasses we do not walk for 44 fricking hours to get back to Nashkel to buy 12Gs worth of arrows and a new suit of armour for Imoen, lmao don’t be stupid (who am I talking to, like, the diary?). We conquer this whole stronghold with the tools we have!

The first thing that threw us off our game is that two ogres or whatever they were tried to charge us money to cross a bridge, like wtf, this place is so in the middle of nowhere you should be paying US as thank you for coming all the way out here, like seriously a toll in back-arse of beyond, are you fucking morons?! (They didn’t like that one bit so obviously it was a fight, on a bridge, just like in the books!)

Couple of morons who tried to stop us

and they paid a pretty high price for it imo

After bumping off the ogres we took it careful, and took it clever, clearing out the area around the fortress first. The fortress itself is huge, sitting on the coast, and round it were all these caves. I was looking for super-secret way into the foretress so we wouldn’t have to go in the main door but no luck, just tons and tons of xvarts. Aaaaaaand, another huge magic book, I had a good feeling about this one.

almost feel bad for them (I don’t)

Turns out you can blind a carrion crawler, despite their lack of eyes – woah

After clearing out the caves we holed wholedholed up in the most comfortable looking one overnight (it was not comfortable at all) and I used the time to identify this second mega-book we had found – it was similar to the last one but looked much more slick. Turns out it was a magical book that could raise my charisma. Yes! I always wanted to be more charismatic, sometimes it sucks to be a gnome (boo hoo) so I got to reading while Imoen scouted out the Gnoll fortress. It was interesting to read but I guess there is only so much a book can do since I am still nowhere near as pretty as Imoen, dumb book.

!!!

When she got back we had our plan of attack – sneak in the front door and kill all the gnolls… not much of a plan I know. With Imoen out of arrows it was going to be touch and go, but she had her shortsword and Dante had his claws so no problem I thought. I mean they’re just gnolls.


And yeah, they weren’t actually that impressive – divine gifts and all that saw us through, plus Dante.

Fighting on the bridge

Showdown with the Gnoll Chieftain

Our foe vanquished.

We took what we could and left the stupid fort, now filled with dead gnolls – no one had any good loot and overall me and Im decided it was a waste of time, except for the magic book in the cave. I’m a bit sour about the whole thing tbh. Going to leave off there and go see what Imoen is up to downstairs, I can hear all this shouting, sounds like a real party.

 

[alice_ashpool]

Day 30 – The dreams return

Out in the wilderness, on the 30th day since Gorion was killed, I had another dream. They had been few and far between since Imoen and I had gone west but this one was clear to me on waking. She said I was on the right path, and I was ready – baptised in the blood of the wilderness, it was time for me and Im to pick up the case again – Gorion’s killer was waiting for me. We were rich, we were strong, we had proved ourselves and our names were becoming known across the sword coast. Now, finally, we would be wrathful. I woke up and told Im that it was time. We walked the long journey back to Beregost with murder on our minds.

It didn’t help that on the way back we ran into these absolute ASSHOLES, In a world of shit I just can’t fucking stand rudeness, and these people were the WORST! I shit you not she called me a “Northern barbarian”. I mean COME ON do I look like a barbarian?!?!? I’m a fricking gnome in a wizard robe and if that wasn’t enough there’s a FUCKING FAMILIAR flapping around me. JFC are you fucking blind?! Phew, sorry, must remember to edit this later.

no one talks to me like that. NO ONE

I can’t think of anyone else I’ve met so far that deserved what she got as much as this basic MFer. And I guess the ultimate humiliation was getting paralysed by my divine gifts then being slashed to pieces by a familiar, while my sister fills the rest of your loser crew with arrows. Dante was pretty stoked about that one ngl.

How to keep your mephit familiar happy

Once we were near Beregost our first stop was High Hedge, the wizard tower – I was now a wealthy and powerful wizard but I needed spells. Lots more spells. I needed ALL the spells. I stocked up, and I could see Imoen looking pretty jelly like – she always liked magic but never wanted to sit down and apply herself – maybe she’ll pick it up at some point, magic owns.

In the end pretty much all utility spells: one to raise my charisma, one to raise my strength (fed up of struggling home with loot like a soggy noodle) Some illusion magic so I could do what that first assassin way back when could do – whats better than Arwen? Lots of Arwens! And a spell so I could make things invisible – what’s better than Dante? Invisible Dante! And that potion case I’d been eyeing up – wow its magic, all the potions put inside are effortlessly weightless, why the HELL did I not buy this earlier!

Then it was back into Beregost proper, it felt like an absolutely aaaaages since we were here. People look at us differently than before – they can see the value of our equipment and how dangerous we look. Two dangerous women and a little flapping familiar means don’t fuck with us. I could see people whispering when we walked past, people pointed us out in the square, I head mention of Nashkel.

There was one unfortunate thing, this man ran up to us in the square and pointed at a necklace I was wearing saying it belonged to his daughter who was missing. I had to think fast – yeah, the family ambushed by hobgoblins in the nashkel pass – so I pulled it off and told the tale of woe to the gathering crowd, how I had slain the hobgoblins but alas the family were already dead and I had taken the necklace to return it to its rightful owner. He was like, so grateful it was embarrassing. People actually, like literally, clapped and cheered. Of course I had to hand over the necklace, ouch, but Arwen’s quick thinking saves the day.

Second stop: sleeping, it was a long walk here. While we were deciding on a tavern/inn to patronage some little girl ambushed us to tell us that someone called Vai in the Jovial Juggler was looking for us. Child labour is apparently well established on the sword coast.

Sure, so whatever, we go to the Jovial Juggler. Turns out everyone in Beregost knows our names – Me and Imoen fricking solved the whole Iron crisis – apparently while we were out in the wilderness its been spreading like wildfire across the sword coast. We’re actual heroes. So much for fricking laying low until all this blows over! I’m starting to realise that being famous, rich and powerful is going to be tough, but that is a burden I am willing to bear, in exchange for being rich, famous and powerful. All the Inns now want a piece of us, “heroes” that we are, even the Red Sheaf was begging us to drink there, despite the mess we made last time – that’s what you get for being famous: forgiveness for broken bar furniture. But we stuck with the plan to go to the Juggler.

Then, I shit you not as we’re just trying to get to the damn jovial juggler, that ancient man we met on our flight to the Friendly Arm inn ambushes us straight after the little girl. He dropped a hint that he knew Gorion – but it was mixed in with a load of cryptic bullshit – out of my way old man I have sleeping to do.

You know nothing of my burdens, old man

So we went to crash in the Jovial Juggler, might as well kill two birds with one stone, and this Vai the girl told us about comes right up and asks for our help. Turns out she’s OFFICER Vai, yeah, a flaming flaming fist – the literal COPS are asking for my help. Do your fucking jobs jeeeez! Obviously I am a smart genius who knows how to handle this so instead of getting angry I bought her a box of doughnuts and laid it on so thick I cannot believe she didn’t realise. Imoen kept snorting into her mug of beer but Vai didn’t notice that either. This must be some sort of comedy of errors or whatever. “Milk ‘em” I could see imoen mouthing at me from behind Vai.

woop woop it’s the sound of the police

Anyway, she said beregost had been cut off from Balder’s Gate to the north by a plague of banditry that seemed to have come from nowhere, the Flaming Fists were overwhelmed so she was authorised to pay 50Gs for every bandit scalp she was brought. I did a MASSIVE double take there… did I, like, hear that right… Scalps? Like the skin and hair cut off the skull? FUCKING DISGUSTING. This woman was sick, but… she was also paying 50Gs per scalp. So… ok, let me think this through in writing, like idk, firstly: what is to stop someone just like scaping some randomers and claiming they are bandits? 50G is big money to most people. Secondly, are you fucking serious?!?! Like wow, rename them the Fucked-up Fists amirite. Imoen was miming being sick at this point. I just said yeah, sure, whatever, scalp some bandits, i hear you.

WTF, seriously?

So that’s my diary all caught up to date – I’m gonna resume daily updates now we are back to sleeping in inns and not in a horrible tent, and I have access to a writing desk again, thank fuck. Imoen FINALLY left the common room and is now passed out drunk haha. Time to sleep, it was a long journey here.